Zombies across the Universe for the Holidays !

Posted: December 23, 2011 in Creative Inspiration, Funny, Hypothetically speaking, What if?
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Hello creativity, nativity and falice-navidad-tidilly fans around the world!

I’ve been thinking…..

To BE, or not to BE -- that is the questio... OOH is that a Banana?!

(I know — Ut-Oh, right?)

Rather my mind has been wandering — capricious thing that it is — and, being that the holidays are besieging upon us, it’s been ruminating across the myriad facets of the season: thoughts of family, friends, good-will and geniality toward your fellow-man (women too of course ;-)), and — naturally — Presents!

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But I’m a broke Actor so there won’t be any of those.

Penny for MY thoughts? (Please...)

So, that’s when I got to thinking some more. What present could I give the world? Surely there has to be something… What would be the ultimate gift to the people? What could I give that would embody the spirit of the season — togetherness, love, empathy and all that gushy type sentimental stuff — and still have it coast in under the forty some-odd dollars I’ve got left in my bank account?

And then I realized — that the stupid Keplar space telescope already beat me to it…

You want to talk about togetherness here on earth — Keplar says that’s thinking too small.

Keplar wants us to feel guilty — more guilty than we already do being around our family…

Keplar shows us planets around the galaxy and beyond — that are just like us — and, presumably, expects us to love them as well around the holidays.

What’s next Keplar? Buying presents for other worlds!?

For eats?

Nevermind — don’t answer that…

But then I got to thinking even more… I know, even I feel the theme being abused. As Kepler’s been finding hundreds of Earth-like planets around the cosmos, and forcing us to think about them as we shop at Bed, Bath any Beyond (Finally — now I know what that “Beyond” section is for), there has been another thought flittering around my cavernous (and mostly empty… Hm. Broke Actor… Real estate for sale!) mind…

What happens when we find ET?

Well naturally we’ll want to talk to him right?

Or is it, It?

Or, Her?

Or, Samblorginsetin?

Whatever… Anyway.

We’ll have to communicate, somehow, if we want to infect infuse them with our Christmastime spirit, right?

RIGHT!

So today I would like to place my bid in over at NASA for a fully comprehensive and cooperative communication strategy to employ upon our first meeting with our new friends, which, if we did, would make the melding of our two cultures flow just as smoothly as your credit-card did through that scanner at the mall this year.

What is this Brainy-ack idea you say? How can we be certain that we wont offhand? What could possibly be a common burial ground for us — a similarity we could be sure of — between our cultures?

ZOMBIES!

Braaaiiiinnnnsss! (And coookkkiiieeesssss and miiilllkkkkk!!)

No…. Seriously.

What civilized culture WOULDN’T have Zombies?

Think on it for a moment. Evolution — provided that they have that over on Omicron Persei 8, must have occurred. And throughout their slow process, much like ours, they must have taken quite some time to evolve, I.E. from the wheel, to the hammer, to a 2.8-Killowat, 12.3Lb Stihl Professional grade chain saw — for use in slaying the undead around the holidays, naturally.

It could be argued that for a culture to have not only ensured its own survival, but to have grown intelligent enough to fly throughout the cosmos, that symbolic thought must have come about. And, in cultures where art has arisen, eventually they must have found their way to the Cinema.

Play the Zombie flick next!

Now I’d totally let you call me crazy if I’d tried to claim that the little green men had re-created, “Fargo” or even, “Forrest Gump”, but is it really that crazy to think that they have Zombie films?

Zombies are us, in every way, only:

A) Not intelligent, and

B) Bloodthirsty.

A very common baddie that would likely arise in any thinking culture that’s has ever lied on it’s back, stared up at the ceiling and pondered what type of script that they’d wanted to dream up.

The real question is not whether or not they have Zombies, but rather — what would they look like?

deviantART Related / Devious Fun / Miscellaneous ©2010-2011 ~lesatho

They would likely be a perversion of whatever the alien species looked like themselves, much in the way that ours are human-esque, but, you know, all covered in blood and stuff. Imagine Winged Zombies, or Zombies with Acid Blood, or even — in particularly dumb cultures — Intellegent Zombies.

Ooh, the HoRrOr!!!!!

So there you have it, my gift to you and yours — and the universe at large — for the holidays!

A way to communicate with our brothers and sisters around the cosmos!

Turns out, we DO have something in common after all!

Zombies!

(And, let’s be honest, would we really want to be friends with them if they didn’t have Zombies?)

~J

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Comments
  1. Sean says:

    What do alien zombies look like? Yup, you guessed it…Frank Stallone.

  2. Jared,I worry about you, man. Hahahaha……anyway, where do you get such great illustrations?
    And another thing……what if , we are zombies dumped here from a superior galaxy but don’t actually know it? What if the starting blocks for knowledge on some other whizzing galactic ball of gas and molten rock is actually something like quantum physics? What if quantum physics is first grade shit?
    Maybe Bosum Higgs has his own starship and knew this all along and is wetting himself as we bang little balls of crap at each to see if they make a big bang? hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha

    (little finger in corner of mouth . strokes cat)…………..

    • Hey Al 🙂
      Psssshhhh, I WISH Quantom Mechanics were first grade shit here!! How awesome to think we were, oh, I don’t know, actually making progress, haha!
      I think you just might be as crazy as me, my friend! (Bosum Higgs, lol.) Have you heard the new coined term is the, “Goddanm Particle” — i like that one oh so much better!
      Hope your holidays were amazing!
      Oh, right;
      I merely do a Google search for the words in my head that match the image I’m thinking of and click over the the “images” tab. I try to give credit when i can find it, but often can’t — but so long as SOPA never becomes a reality, than that’s fine 🙂

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