Archive for March, 2012

Quick: What has more gravity than a black hole?

Other than your Mom... Obviously

Well… Nothing.

Which, by and large, is ‘true’… technically; objectively. Though, and then again — what is ‘Truth‘?

It’s heavy, that’s what it is. Can’t you feel it’s weight as you read it, let alone daily, as it ever so casually rolls off your tongue? Hell, I think we all do. It’s sinful, in its way. There’s pressure orbiting it. Weight. Girth. Heft. We feel the need to get IT right, but we’re never, (not a one of us), really sure what IT is… not exactly. As a matter of fact there’s so much pressure surrounding it, I submit to you, gentle readers, that ‘Truth‘, itself, weighs more than the giant flushing toilet (with its ‘stinking’ Hawking radiation), that lies betwixt our universe!

But all this conjecture is subjective… This I know…

But, again, what is Truth? It seems important, no? And, and furthermore, how do we go about finding it? Is it objective, quantifiable, measurable, as so many seem to insist — like the determinable mass of a black hole by the size of its event horizon? Or is truth subjective, and true to each of us individually?

The answer?

It’s unsolvable

For the love of God, WHY!?

And here’s the ‘Truth‘ about why…

If I go ahead and postulate that ‘Truth’ is wholly subjective, well… would somebody please cue, The Dude, “Yea? Well, that’s just like, your opinion, Man.” There we are. And If I attempt to claim that it is objective, well than how can I possibly prove anything? Particularly something existential, like this, that lies outside the realm of science (which, in and of itself, is constantly wrong, and seeking truth for itself)!?

Perhaps, then, ‘Truth’ is merely a Mirage…

… a contrived system of nicety so that I wont kill you for a piece of your ‘Kit-Kat bar’ (seriously, why does nobody share those things? Who raised you people!?) Perhaps there really is no, genuine, “Truth”, or at least ‘Truth’ in the sense that society has labeled/defined it… Looks like now we’ll never figure out if your Mom really is heavier than a Black Hole. But, and in either case, (It’s your Mom) due to its philosophical and lofty nature, the search for “Truth” alone has inspired more than a few of my own, home-style (and chunky), Quotes — and it is these that I would like to share with you all today.

How about you read some and decide for yourselves?

Let me know what you come up with.

🙂

Truth:

The only truth I'm certain of

Just cause you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not happening. — Dec 11th, 2011

The one and only, UNIVERSAL TRUTH is….. There is no truth that is universal.
For if there were: the world would be a grey, lifeless thing, where you would always be right, and everyone else would be just like you. — Jan 5th, 2012

No longer taught in your local school; philosophy: the one and only thing preventing us from living in a perfect world. — Jan 1st, 2012

The path to happiness and truth is paved with many a harsh reality, possibly the most severe of which is that you are often wrong and can greatly improve upon who you are. Never blame the world — instead, look within. — Dec 21st, 2011

There are good stories, there’s truth, and then there’s a place of magic and inspiration which lives between the two. Never settle — Strive for both. — Jan 17th, 2012

At the end of the day, if you’re true to yourself, all you ever really need is a dollar more in your pocket than you ABSOLUTELY MUST have to pay your bills. From that point forward you are immensely fortunate and would do well to remember it! — Dec 27th, 2011

Knowing what we know now, about what we didn’t know then — we’d all be quite smart in accepting our part of the world growing dim. Always Demand Truth. — Dec 27th, 2011

Buzzwords are wanton, lacking of solid information and anemic. Reject them as truth but let them titillate your curiosity, and then — go learn for yourself. — Jan 3rd, 2012

Knowing how to Cook might just be the secret to Life — Think about it:
You have to prepare your ingredients — and they better be fresh — you sweat and temper for just the right amount of time, and then, even if you’d done everything else right, the final judgement lies with someone else, as they are the judges of palatability and widespread appeal. — Jan 14th, 2012

Judgment isn’t necessarily a bad thing, so long as your thoughts endure. Let judgment be the beginning, and compassion, the end. — Jan 6th, 2012

You’ll always be unhappy where you are if you’ve never really tried to be where you want to be. Try, and fear not — for failure is far preferable to having never made the attempt. — March 13th, 2012

He who knowingly fears the unknown is a walking paradox. — March 1st, 2012

The development of an innate devotion to the growth of the self, through any and all circumstance, is the first step in any positive spiritual change. — Jan 30th, 2012

If I must choose to either be crazy or normal — strap me in! Rather that than to be just the same as everyone else. — Dec 20th, 2011

~J

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We’re all motivated in differing ways…

That's one way to get your cardio in...

However, finding the right motivation is key.

Proper motivation is arguably as important, and if not, more-so, than the subsequent product it will produce…

It will color it.

Shape it.

Taint it…

Choose something temporal as a motivator and you’ll soon find yourself with temporal satisfaction. You’ll forever after and always be chasing that next high. Though, choose something ethereal as a motivator — a lofty ideal, the wish for worldwide embetterment, a simple hope to inspire — and you’ll quickly discover a new plane of creation, ability, and overall zen at your fingertips.

I’m talking about happiness here, people!

It might seem convoluted, but just take the road.

And how you find your way to it!

Look, happiness if not some abstract thing, granted temporarily and only by medication, nor is it hard to come by, it’s abundant, accessible, and stems from doing what you love! You just need to have a little faith, the right atmosphere, and the proper motivation.

Now all this takes a careful eye…

…And it might take some changes. You might have to rethink your long-held friends, you might have to switch jobs and take a cut in pay, you might even have to avoid certain members of your own family — as we can’t help what inspires us, we can only change what we expose ourselves to…

Try to aim for support and positivity, though ensure that it’s not simply blind.

Appreciate critique, let it be your guide. Remember; we must fail, to learn, to learn not to fail.

Though, despite all this, motivation for any attempt is key — so here are some of my own thoughts on the matter…

I hope you enjoy!

Motivation

“Give yourself permission daily to be awesome.” — Feb 1st, 2012

“Overanalyzation was a MAJOR factor in the Titanic sinking. The lesson: waffling too long over a decision is often worse than making a mistake. Plot your course, steer the wheel, hope for the best — and if you fail, pray the water’s warm.” — Jan 1st, 2012

“Stuck? Fed up? Stop. Breathe. Forgive. Appreciate. Now… continue.” — Dec 17th, 2011

“Only when you empty a vessel entirely do you then have the opportunity to fill it again with something completely new. Leave one miniscule mite from the past behind though, and the new state of the thing is wholly tainted by the old. Sometimes it’s OK to lose everything, as true reinvention always must start from scratch.” — Feb 6th, 2012

“Think about all the excitement and adventure that’s manifest due to technology and innovation.
Now, look up at the stars…
There are other worlds out there, and other individuals, innovating. What we have crafted thus far on our tiny blue speck, will someday soon be added to a universal commerce, and the adventure will grow exponentially, and for all of time… Given the inevitability of all this, what are you waiting for — go, innovate, and prepare to share your unique and important perspective with the Universe.” — Jan 15th, 2012

“Never let the fear of failure deter your efforts, for failure gives the gift of a lesson. Success yields nothing toward internal growth.” — Dec 12th, 2011

“Sure… It’s swell to have a plan for life, or, heck, even a strategy. Shoot, in a perfect world they might just play out as you’d hoped too. However, there’s a problem; we don’t live in a perfect world. Thus, merely have Goals: they are far less rigid than a plan in their ways, and permit for the occasional, and necessary, tap-dancing of life — a requisite to achieve.” — Feb 1st, 2012

“A wasted mind is not only one that doesn’t study, but also one that studies imprudently. What do you spend your time learning?” — Jan 10th, 2012

“To hold ones deepest desires close to the heart is essential in achieving them. However, trying to hold each step of the process in mind at once makes the feat simply insurmountable. Thus — Live in the moment, aim for the future.” — Jan 4th, 2012

“Awesomeness starts within, and then, eventually, finds its way out to shine onto the world. It can’t be faked tho — you’ll call your own ‘BS’.” — Dec 14th, 2011

“I never put much significance on a day — its still got just 24 hours. If you’re the resolute type, remember this; It’s not the day that brings the change, the day will fade and pass. It must then, be you — just like it’s been all along. Yup… I never put much significance on a day…” — Jan 1st, 2012

“The only difference between the world we want and the world we have is our faith in the possibility. Help us live up to our collective potential: do something great.” — Jan 12th, 2012

“Think about all the species of wondrous life which the Earth is host to — and yet us humans are the sole creatures here with the capacity to change our place and role in this world. Knowing now that choice is such a rare opportunity when it comes to life — why would we ever give it up? Or, worse yet, not express it?” — Jan 17th, 2012

~J

P.S.

There is also one other thing I would like to share here, in this category, though I felt it was simply too long to lump into the previous section of quotes. This was merely an excerpt from a heated online discussion I’d engaged in about money — which quickly got out of hand, (but was quite fun). The comment was well received, and so I saved it. I’d love to hear all of your thoughts 🙂

“Q- What is the goal of humanity?

A- At its basics: To survive, and evolve. Our evolution IS invention. Thus, our greatest goal should be to A) provide for survival (which is easy to do if we focus on it), and B) Invent — now that’s the tricky one. See, to be good, you need to train, and to train, you need time. You need to work at a craft every day. We are staring down the barrel of a new world. One that provides the basics. If that were to happen, and again — it could if we made it the focus — then what would people do with their time? Either invent, or consume. EACH AS IMPORTANT AS THE OTHER, as this will be the NEW currency. I, as a creator (Writer/actor) will still compete with others, but only those whose passion it is to be in competition. And others, the consumers, will be the judges of the world by what they “tune into”. This will make people HAPPY, as they will be only in fields where they WANT to be. Not IHOP, or scraping barnacles off the hulls of boats, but where they can best help man INVENT, and GROW as a culture.

I invite you — look up at the stars. There are other worlds out there, other cultures — inventing. One day we will be among them. When this happens, let’s ensure that humanity has something worthwhile to contribute. As, I submit to you, that is our DESTINY. That is our great ADVENTURE. That is the endless wellspring of AMAZING that we, as humanity, will have. It won’t be us, though. It won’t be in our lifetimes. We are the sacrifice. We are the architects. We are the transition. But, that’s OK. We will also be the ones who were smart enough to see it coming, and who facilitated its occurrence — if, and only if, we make it our goal.” — Jan 18th

You’re never truly alone when there’s good literature around…

…And the same can be said for quotes.

Take it from me,

As I am a man whose spent a good deal of his life on his own. An only child, surrounded throughout my younger years by naught but hostility, a natural weirdo throughout and an abstract thinker to boot: these are not the traits that grant you companionship — though I was never alone.

Whether it was the tales spun in my beloved comics, the epic narratives which engaged me in my games, or the titanic span of an author’s mind I’d found within their writings, truly, I’d always had someone by my side. The advice I’d gleaned from these sources, far too voluminous to mention, quite possibly kept me sane for a great number of years (Or pushed me over the edge of insanity, the jury’s still out on that case…), and helped shape my outlook for the rest of my life.

Surely, than, I would be remiss to not attempt to do the same.

And so, the series of my own Quotations that I would like to share with you all today would be just that;

Advice

I kid... I use it to line the litter-box 🙂

“Let it go. Whatever it is — It’s not worth it.
Focus on your goal. Whatever it is — It IS worth it.
Your mind can only process either one or the other — now, you tell me, which one’s worthy?” — Jan 28th, 2012

“If reality is shaped by your perception, and your perception is shaped by your temperament, than, unequivocally, you manifest your own reality. I’d watch that…” — Feb 16th, 2012

“Never open your mouth to speak freely at a table of strangers — as you’ve got no idea if someone there is in possession of knowledge which trumps your own.” — Jan 8th, 2012

“Looking strong and being strong are two very different things — one only has to hit a diamond with a hammer to know this is true.
Thus, be strong and useful when your time comes, not beautiful and frail.” — Jan 2nd, 2012

“With life, it’s all too easy to get caught up in living the way you were taught you should, and forget altogether that there was once a way that you’d wanted to live it.” — Feb 27th, 2012

“While growing a garden, as in life, one must prune back whatever is holding back the health of the plant.” — March 15th, 2012

“Modesty should only be applied honestly. Never be ashamed to express who you really are, nor your adventures with others, it might just inspire.” — Jan 21st, 2012

“Never lament something before you do it, you’ll skew your whole experience. Besides… that’s what after-words are for.” — Jan 14th, 2012

“Be careful how you talk to yourself, as it’s likely you’ll believe what you have to say. For, if you can’t trust yourself, who can you?” — Dec 13th, 2011

“Remember, everyone has their own internal lexicon with definitions and impressions unique to them, and them alone. Thus, never judge, for any action another takes is always just as justified as your own.” — Dec 30th, 2011

“Learn your instincts — or become slaves to them. Only when you are aware of their influence can you truly chose how to be.” — Dec 14th, 2011

“Mental endeavors are taxing, you will eventually find it hard to work. When you do, switch to physical tasks — as the body supports the mind, and the mind relies on the bodies strength.” — Dec 17th, 2011

“Constantly reinvent yourself. Never be afraid. Do it whenever you can and imbue your aims with every failures lesson, no matter how small. This is the only way to seek truth.” — Nov 7th, 2011

“The way I see it, the inherent problem in giving someone advice lies in the fact that the reason they probably need it in the first place is because they don’t listen.” – Jan 3rd, 2012

~J

A good quote will change your life,

(This Gandhi quote changed mine.)

They’re magical in that way; transformative.

Quotes have a way of getting through to us — better than any well worded argument, and certainly more efficiently than some protracted article. They’re compact, succinct, and speak right to the soul.

Rather than disseminating a convoluted thought outright, which can tend to be unsettling, belittling, and quite wordy, (leaving us with our guards up, rather than, the intended, down), a good quote will culminate as the reduction of a complicated idea into a neat little tidy package, though still well worded and true its nature, that, instead, helps the listener to figure out the concept for themselves.

I owe a lot to quotes…

…And it’s likely that you do too. For me, when I look back across my life, every milestone I’d ever hit had an apt quote waiting there to accompany it.

Whether it was the golden rule as a young boy, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31), which came about at a time when I was considering violence as an answer to my young frustrations, or the famous Fitzgerald quote as an adolescent, “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function”, arriving just in time to help me deal with the contradictory philosophical implications I’d been encountering in literature, or even, “The only measurable difference between Genius and Insanity can be found in their degrees of success”, that, as an adult, guided me in founding my Blog: Quotes were always there to help me find my way.

Creative Inspiration

It’s what this blog is supposed to be about.

It’s tough out there… for all of us — and especially for those of us who dare to create. You might be a chef, or an artist, maybe a scientist, or possibly a fighter — heck, you might even be an actor/writer struggling to make it in the big city — but, from time to time, you’re likely going to feel exhausted. Depleted of what you’d once been full of, and once ready to share with the world.

When I drew up the concept for this Blog, it was for you; the creators.

I’d wanted to make sure that there existed a place in the (virtual) world where you could go to re-charge your batteries. To feel better, fuller: confident to forever produce. But, I see now, that it’s not just for us, “Current Creators” alone — it’s for everybody!

I’d like to inspire the world to create!

I’d truly like everyone to know that they all have something awesome within them, brimming up behind their eyes and poised to burst forth from their ears, ready to explode out and change the world — and all they need to do is believe in its existence for it to manifest. There’s another quote of Einstein’s which had, in part, inspired this revelation — “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid”. And it’s true, and we all know it to be — EVERYBODY’S A GENIUS.

So… Why not me?

That’s the question I began to ask myself. With all this motivation I’ve been consuming over the years in order to create, put in place and inspired by people all throughout the world and across its history, shouldn’t I want to give something back? Shouldn’t I try, regardless of the potential outcome, to inspire others with my own words?

And, possibly more importantly, do I even have anything worthy of sharing?

So, it was with this thought in my head…

…that, back in January, I began to try. I allowed the world’s customary daily lessons to inspire me, (rather than beat me down), and began attempting to not only identify, but understand and condense these lessons into unique quotes of my own, jotting them down as I went along throughout my day. I then began putting them onto a public forum, I.E. Facebook and Twitter, because I knew that they couldn’t possibly do anybody any good if I just let them lie fallow on my smartphone.

Are they any good?

Well, good readers, that’s for you all to decide — as I’m going to share them with you starting today. There are quite a few for you to read too… I have amassed over a hundred novel quotes (if they could so be called 🙂 ), of my own by now, and, throughout the next couple weeks, I plan on posting most of them here for you to read.

I’ll try to stick to the better ones.

😉

I’d love your feedback on these, and possibly, If I inspire you somehow, your story — but I’ll settle for just a click of the, “Like” button.

Ahhhh, WordPress…

In any case, for me, this series couldn’t have come at a better time, for I’ve got these brain appetizers on hand, and I’m going to be quite busy for the next few weeks, so they will free me up to focus on my book edits. For simplicity’s sake I’ve broken the quotes into categories — “Motivation”, “People/Politics”, “Endurance”, “Advice”, “Success”, “Truth”, and, “The Self” — though they don’t have to pertain to the named subject alone.

Again, I sincerely hope that you enjoy, are inspired, or perhaps just get a chuckle, for my pervasive humor has found its way into these as well; my genuine takes at being sincere and helpful. You really can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

And now,

without further ado,

I give to you my first category,

Endurance;

(please enjoy)

“First comes the realization that you can be more; better, full. Then you walk the path; it’s long, arduous and more trying than you could imagine. It takes years. Finally, if you’re lucky, you make it through. At the end of it all, it wouldn’t have been the gall it took to decide, nor the will it took to walk, but the fortitude it required, and the faith, to believe that the end existed at all as you went along your way.” — Jan 27th, 2012

“Perseverance, not innate talent, nor connections, nor financing, always has been, and always will be, the defining factor of greatness. Keep going. Yes, you can.” — March 9th, 2012

“Love your scars, for they prove that you have lived.” — Feb 10th, 2012

“Recycling failed life strategies will yield nothing but failure in life. We cannot look back and long for what was or what might have been, we must instead look ahead with optimism, actively crafting what still can be.” — Jan 26th, 2012

“Enjoy the cold, embrace it, go with its vibe. For life is about living, and nature’s part of life; let it remind you your still alive.” (First really cold day of the year) — Jan 4th, 2012

“Worth is a fickle beast, as the more deserved of it you are the less aware of it you must be.” — March 5th, 2012

“To make a “Bucket list” when you’re older is a great idea, but why wait!? Make one today, start tomorrow, and when you’re ready to kick the bucket you wont notice — you’ll be too busy kicking ass.” — Jan 20th, 2012

“The best way to deal with negativity? Positively ignore it.” — Feb 19th, 2012

“If all you give is effort, and all have is hope – than all you can possibly want you already have.” — Jan 16th, 2012

“Sometimes you play all the right notes, perfectly and with all of your heart — only to the wrong audience. Never give up.” — Jan 6th, 2012

“Success and failure are interchangeable as a result of an ambition. Learn to love both, as they are the Yin and Yang of your inevitable success.” — Dec 28th, 2011

“If every day you lived was perfect, you’d have no reason to get up from bed. What would you look forward to? The same old crap — that’s what. It’s all about perspective.” — Jan 5th, 2012

“It’s rare that things will happen in, “your time”. Thus, expect the really great ones to come around when you’re wholly preoccupied — aren’t you glad the universe has a sense of humor?” — Dec 19th, 2011

“People say waiting is torture — but meditation is akin to waiting, if only your mind is right. It’s all in how you look at it.” — Dec 27th, 2012

~J

Readers, it’s been fun and all… but, I think I’m out!

To infinity, and beyond!

I think I might just have to move!

Cause where I’m living, simply doesn’t suit me anymore.

See, I’m well aware that when it comes to real estate, it’s all about where you are — “location, location, location”. Unfortunately, and to be frank (Hi, Frank!), I’m afraid my location just can’t serve me any longer. It simply won’t meet my needs! What with editing 1,000 words a day for my novel, writing a blog once a week to hone my skill, working a job throughout the week to pay rent, exercising for an hour a day to stay in shape, cooking all my meals to save money (and be healthy), getting my butt kicked twice a week with a special group of friends, and still finding some time to sleep, poop, and have a life — this location just can’t cut the mustard!

Now, all this might seem like a scheduling issue…

… but let me assure you, it isn’t! This is an issue of location, plain and simple. Where I am just doesn’t give me enough time. People say that you should invest in land, cause, “they ain’t making any more of the stuff” — BUT THEY ARE! I say, instead, invest in time, as that’s the one thing you truly can’t buy any more of. So I’ve been speaking to my broker about this very issue, and I think that we’ve come up with an amicable solution…

I’m moving to Venus!

Wrong Venus, but I'd like to move to her!

That’s right, Venus — because all this complication, is the Earth’s fault.

Really, it’s quite obvious once you examine the facts.

See, this planet, one of many we could inhabit according to my broker, happens to take an unfortunately brief, 584088920.703 mi, trip around the sun — working out to be a 365 day trek around the star. Combine this with the disheartening fact, that if you were to measure the speed if it’s spin (@ the equator) you would find that it moves at a breakneck 1,038 miles per hour. Leaving us, after all the math, to a piddly Twenty-Four hour day…

I mean, come on!

24 hours ain’t barely enough time to get your swagger on. I can’t be alone here, can I?! I mean, and I know what you’re thinking, sure, there’s always Mars — but a Martian day ain’t much better, ya know? They only gain about an extra forty minutes to the cycle of each day. And, though tempting, I’m relatively sure that I’d eat those forty minutes up quicker than a puppy with a bowl of kibble.

It was a hypothetical, pup -- but, well-played.

Have you ever actually done the math?

We start with a 24 hour day.

24 hours, minus eight for sleep, becomes 16.

16 hours, minus an eight-hour work-day, becomes 8.

8 hours — minus 1 for travel, 1 for work out, 2 for cooking, 1.5 for the bathroom & showering — and we’re down to 2.5.

2.5.

2.5 hours to live?

That’s just plain unacceptable.

Yep, time to move!

The new NASA budget

And Venus sounds like the perfect place.

Everything my broker’s been telling me about this place sounds like a buyers dream come true…

Firstly, it’s still in the neighborhood, as it’s only one planet closer to the Sun! So I can still do all the things I like and still see everyone I care about. Plus, the climate is VASTLY improved. Earth can’t even hold a candle to it! That’s because, on average, the Venusian climate is a balmy 86.4 degrees Fahrenheit (or, for my Euro pals, 46.2 Celsius) — a far cry from this enduringly hostile NYC winter.

(You know, it’s funny, when my broker had originally quoted me the average temperature there, she’d mistakenly said it was 864 degrees! Eight hundred and sixty-four!? Could you imagine? There would be no water! What would I drink? But, obviously, this was a typo. It’s amazing what one little decimal point can do…)

Secondly, and more important to my specific needs as her client, my broker tells me that as a Venusian I would have MORE HOURS in my day! How awesome is that!? It’s truly staggering how much more, as well. See, whereas the Earth rotates once every twenty-four hours, which, we’ve already established, simply isn’t enough time to get anything of substance accomplished, Venus rotates once every 243 Earth days!

That’s 5,832 hours a day!

So, if 8 sleeping hours is 1/3 of a day here on earth, (and I never feel rested as it is), that would make 1/3 of 5,832… 1944 hours of sleep on Venus! I’m sure to be refreshed after that! My circadian rhythm will catch up soon enough… Leaving me with, let’s see, 3,888 hours left in my waking day! Incredible! Also, since I’m the only one up there (at least till the damn vagabonds show up, looking to pinch a dime off me), I won’t have to work or earn money — which should free me up to take care of some things I’ve been meaning to do!

🙂

I would finally have enough time to finish editing my book!

I would have no trouble meeting my weekly, Friday deadline for the blog!

I would have a better, longer workout — as it’s only 90% Earth gravity up there!

I could design and cook the perfect meal, without concern for prep and execution time!

Who knows — I might even have enough time up there to cure cancer, as there’s plenty of it!

(Time, not Cancer. Try to keep up!)

Keep up; ketchup... get it?

So yea,

that’s it.

It’s decided.

I’m moving to Venus.

Anybody want an apartment in Queens? Pretty decent rent. Amenity’s abound. Only two blocks from the N train… Ooh, and speaking of which, I forgot to get the specifics from my broker about the public transportation over there. I seem to remember something about a 400-plus mile per hour jet-stream above the surface — sounds pretty nifty to me! Sure as hell beats whatever the MTA can offer. They can keep their 2.25…

I’ll just use it to buy a slice of pizza on Venus!

Personally, I think I’ll be far better off in a place where the years are shorter than the days. Plus a place that spins opposite from all the other planets in our solar system — that kind of insanity will suit me just fine. I never did like to conform. Also, if you would’ve lived to be 100 over here, you would have nearly exactly 150 days to live life as a Venusian. No more procrastinating. Only 150 suns up, and suns down, to accomplish what it is you want out of life. That really would put things into perspective, huh…

Sounds pretty great, doesn’t it?

VENUS!

You know what, on second thought, why not come with me?

I could talk to my broker!

It’ll be an adventure!

Yea — this is a great Idea!

YEP, I’M GOING TO VENUS!

NOW — WHO’S COMING WITH ME?!

~J

Aw crap — that did it…
LOOK OUT EVERYONE,
The Grammar Nazis are coming!

Not to worry, good reader, it’s all going to be OK — I’ve got a plan!

Just hurry up, grab the women, and come with me!

There should be a trap door here someplace…

GOT IT!

*Click*

Now hurry up and get in!

*Slam*

Phew…

You can breathe easy, friend, we’re good now. This is my old WWII Nuclear Bunker. She ain’t pretty, but we’ll be safe here. We’ve got enough supplies on those shelves to last us months — maybe even years. Ladies, grab us a couple of Schlitz, would you? Yep, not even those bastard Nazis would be stubborn enough to wait here that long. Oh, and don’t worry about them breaking down the door either. That thing we just shut behind us is eight inches of solid steel. I reinforced the floor too. They don’t stand a chance…

What do you mean, who are they?

You’ve never heard of the, “Grammar Nazis”?

Have you ever even been on the internet?

No, they’re not exclusive to the net — they’re right outside the door, you dullard. They’re Grammar Nazis! They’re the secret police force of language, working either for, or in league with the dastardly Webster cooperation, and they’re on a clandestine mission for a unilateral totalitarian regime-like standard for talking, writing, and, soon, overall expression.

Somebody call me?

See, language is smooshed, shortened, squeezed, tightened, altered, cramped, clipped, cut, “lol’d”, and “haha’d” more and more, each and every day — and the Nazi’s can’t stand this…

They prefer to work under the stringent principles of their sacred symbol, the four spoked, red and white, “W” (believing that the rest of us should fall in line as well), which states that they will simply not accept anything but perfection — and all the WTF’s, LOL’s, HAHA’s, OMG’s and ZOMG’s of this modern-day just won’t fit into their narrow, Webster defined, Aryan-like list of acceptable words. Never mind that these particular terms are acronyms, allowing for faster points to be made, (saving us all some valuable time in a minute-by-minute world), these sycophants toward Webster simply do not care. A word is only a word, when it’s a word written in one of their holy books.

But, hell, I say words should be words when they properly convey a thought — AmIrite?

The way I look at it, language shouldn’t be held to such rigorous standards.

*Pound, pound, pound*

“Nein. Speak properly — we can hear you in there!”

“Quiet out there, Krauss! This is between us men.”

Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein!”

*Pound, pound, pound*

“Not to worry, they’ll get tuckered out soon enough…”

See, friend, in its essence, language is just a place-keeper tool, used in lieu of mind reading. Seriously, no joke — look it up! Take a look into the Shannon Weaver model of language, which is the linguistic basis for all communication, and you’ll see just what I’m talking about. Basically, when a person wishes to share a thought, it first has to formulate somewhere, right? Namely, their head — and then you need someone else to share with (otherwise it’s just thinking). If the thought is complex, and hard to describe with non verbal cues alone, well than we have to encode our thoughts into words, and then speak them through a medium — in the case of speech, air — which it then travels through to reach your ear, and you can interpret it in any way you see fit.

Now, if I could read your mind, none of this would be necessary.

Yes, I'm bald under the hat. Is that ALL you ever think about?

But I can’t, and likely won’t be able to for a long while.

(Not until the singularity, at least)

So, in the mean time, I’m left to communicate crudely, pruning bits of my original thoughts to suffice ever-dwindling attention spans and time budgets…

HEY — pay attention!

I know they’re cute, but there’s no rush, we’ll be down here for weeks… plenty of time to charm them over.

However… Ladies? Could you tie up the robes? It’s distracting. Thanks! (Love ya!)

Now where was I?

Right!

IMHO, language is inefficient enough while spoken, and, when we talk, we’ve got emotion, inflection, pacing, gesticulation, eye contact, and body language backing us up. Also, because of all these things, all these cues we’re reading into, we get a general idea of the listener’s attention, which, then in turn, helps us to adjust accordingly to entertain (and, thus, know that we’re being heard — we’ve always got an ear while we’re entertaining).

Chappelle, please come back -- We miss you...

When we write though — which is just the same as speech in terms of communication, save for the changing of the medium; from air, to paper or computer screens — the inefficiencies of language are really highlighted, and to an extreme. That’s because, while writing, we don’t have the crutches of audible pacing or inflection to help place emphasis on our words, we’re left to use only the Nazis goosestepping mantras — the finite words and ways found in their dictatorial dictionary’s, and proper grammar propaganda texts — to convey our thoughts.

But they’re our thoughts!

And , I don’t know about you, (I mean, you look like a nice fellow — just not very bright…), but my thoughts are often wild, eccentric, interconnected to many things, and, because of all this, wholly difficult to express in this stiflingly rigid way. Being stuck crafting true communication with words which must interlock in a specific way, like Lego blocks, can sometimes hinder full elucidation. I mean, who really cares if I follow “proper sentence structure” (or use of quotes), just so long as you understand me, right?

Now, don’t get me wrong good buddy… Oop — Hang on.

Ladies, another brewski por-favor.

Better make it two.

Grassy ass.

Ahhh, that’s better… Anyway, I’m not saying that we should all just make up words, all willy-nilly like — nobody would understand us — but I am saying that there’s nothing wrong with a little tweak here and there. After all, that’s how language was devised in the first place. Playing around. Otherwise, I mean, what? We’re just done? So, that’s it? We did it? *Language complete*?

No! No effing way.

Language is alive. It’s living. It’s breathing. It has a heartbeat to match the times and trials it goes through, just like we do — or at least it should — and when jerks, like the ones outside this door, try to arrest the language, the only thing really getting locked away is true communication, ya dig?

This is why I’m saying that, “Irregardless” is, most certainly, a word.

Nazis, Kitty. "Take that Nazis"... Sorry, he's drunk -- again...

I mean, sure, we’ve already got “Regardless”. But, as a word, doesn’t that sound a bit clipped to you? Curt, even? Go ahead, try saying “Regardless” without sounding like a prick. Narry impossible, I tell ya! But, “Irregardless”… now that’s sexy. It’s not quite as sharp either. It’s almost like it’s laughing at itself in its own usage.

If “Regardless” were a warden dismissing evidence at a parole hearing, thus denying an early release, “Irregardless” would be a wild haired and wizened Scientist, mucking up a great point with a bit of unessential information and a tangent off topic, and thus, a wave of his hand and a muttering of the word can get him back to his point.

Why can’t there be room for both?

Now, again, if we could read minds, than none of this would matter. But we can’t. And, since spoken language has the monopoly on inflection and timbre, I say that the written word should be a little looser. Give us scribes a touch more elbow room to show you just what we mean — and how we mean to say it.

Ya feel me?!

Speaking of which, did you know that there used to be such a thing as an, “Interrobang“, which was a mixture of a question mark and an exclamation point (just like what I had to use two symbols to accomplish in the previous sentence) yep, you guessed it — killed by the Nazis.

As a matter of fact there was once this crazy guy, named, Hervé Bazin, who’d extended the idea of an, “Irony mark”, first proposed by the late 19th century french poet, Alcanter de Brahm, into a series of other punctuations, including; an authority point, a certitude point, a doubt point, indignation, love — and many more.

Wanna guess what happened to him?

Danm Nazis…

Look, as we move along, and evolve as a culture — we naturally gain knowledge. With knowledge, naturally comes preference. And, with preference, reason. Naturally. Thus, ample deliberation becomes a necessity to the newer, preference ridden, thought processes of the world — as, there is simply more to say. And, aside from just talking, there is much more going on — words trigger emotions.

Whether it’s “Irregardless” you’d want to use, to soften up the sound of your meaning, or “Spoked” (which appeared at the top of this page — got ya!) to describe something with spokes, or “Disinscent” to describe something with a removed incentive, or LOL to say that you’re laughing out loud, I say — SCREW THE NAZIS, and SCREW WEBSTER, you communicate however you’d like!

*Pound, Pound, Pound*

“We’ve come back!”

“We don’t care”

“We a have a plasma cutter”

(Oh crap)

“We heard what you were saying about us.”

“Oh yea, what do you think, Sauerkraut?”

“I think I can’t wait until I get home, to tell my wife all about how I squoze your scrawny, little, stupid neck”

“Bad news for you then, buddy”

“what”

“Squoze isn’t a word”

*Bang!, bang!, bang!*

“Guess we won’t have to worry about ole’ Krauss anymore…”

*Fluouoshhhh!!!*

“But it sound’s like his cronies are still lighting that torch, crap… Looks like we’re in for a shootout, friend.”

“Ladies, take cover. Friend, take this gun — YKWTD

~J