Posts Tagged ‘astrology’

Hello creativity, nativity and falice-navidad-tidilly fans around the world!

I’ve been thinking…..

To BE, or not to BE -- that is the questio... OOH is that a Banana?!

(I know — Ut-Oh, right?)

Rather my mind has been wandering — capricious thing that it is — and, being that the holidays are besieging upon us, it’s been ruminating across the myriad facets of the season: thoughts of family, friends, good-will and geniality toward your fellow-man (women too of course ;-)), and — naturally — Presents!

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But I’m a broke Actor so there won’t be any of those.

Penny for MY thoughts? (Please...)

So, that’s when I got to thinking some more. What present could I give the world? Surely there has to be something… What would be the ultimate gift to the people? What could I give that would embody the spirit of the season — togetherness, love, empathy and all that gushy type sentimental stuff — and still have it coast in under the forty some-odd dollars I’ve got left in my bank account?

And then I realized — that the stupid Keplar space telescope already beat me to it…

You want to talk about togetherness here on earth — Keplar says that’s thinking too small.

Keplar wants us to feel guilty — more guilty than we already do being around our family…

Keplar shows us planets around the galaxy and beyond — that are just like us — and, presumably, expects us to love them as well around the holidays.

What’s next Keplar? Buying presents for other worlds!?

For eats?

Nevermind — don’t answer that…

But then I got to thinking even more… I know, even I feel the theme being abused. As Kepler’s been finding hundreds of Earth-like planets around the cosmos, and forcing us to think about them as we shop at Bed, Bath any Beyond (Finally — now I know what that “Beyond” section is for), there has been another thought flittering around my cavernous (and mostly empty… Hm. Broke Actor… Real estate for sale!) mind…

What happens when we find ET?

Well naturally we’ll want to talk to him right?

Or is it, It?

Or, Her?

Or, Samblorginsetin?

Whatever… Anyway.

We’ll have to communicate, somehow, if we want to infect infuse them with our Christmastime spirit, right?

RIGHT!

So today I would like to place my bid in over at NASA for a fully comprehensive and cooperative communication strategy to employ upon our first meeting with our new friends, which, if we did, would make the melding of our two cultures flow just as smoothly as your credit-card did through that scanner at the mall this year.

What is this Brainy-ack idea you say? How can we be certain that we wont offhand? What could possibly be a common burial ground for us — a similarity we could be sure of — between our cultures?

ZOMBIES!

Braaaiiiinnnnsss! (And coookkkiiieeesssss and miiilllkkkkk!!)

No…. Seriously.

What civilized culture WOULDN’T have Zombies?

Think on it for a moment. Evolution — provided that they have that over on Omicron Persei 8, must have occurred. And throughout their slow process, much like ours, they must have taken quite some time to evolve, I.E. from the wheel, to the hammer, to a 2.8-Killowat, 12.3Lb Stihl Professional grade chain saw — for use in slaying the undead around the holidays, naturally.

It could be argued that for a culture to have not only ensured its own survival, but to have grown intelligent enough to fly throughout the cosmos, that symbolic thought must have come about. And, in cultures where art has arisen, eventually they must have found their way to the Cinema.

Play the Zombie flick next!

Now I’d totally let you call me crazy if I’d tried to claim that the little green men had re-created, “Fargo” or even, “Forrest Gump”, but is it really that crazy to think that they have Zombie films?

Zombies are us, in every way, only:

A) Not intelligent, and

B) Bloodthirsty.

A very common baddie that would likely arise in any thinking culture that’s has ever lied on it’s back, stared up at the ceiling and pondered what type of script that they’d wanted to dream up.

The real question is not whether or not they have Zombies, but rather — what would they look like?

deviantART Related / Devious Fun / Miscellaneous ©2010-2011 ~lesatho

They would likely be a perversion of whatever the alien species looked like themselves, much in the way that ours are human-esque, but, you know, all covered in blood and stuff. Imagine Winged Zombies, or Zombies with Acid Blood, or even — in particularly dumb cultures — Intellegent Zombies.

Ooh, the HoRrOr!!!!!

So there you have it, my gift to you and yours — and the universe at large — for the holidays!

A way to communicate with our brothers and sisters around the cosmos!

Turns out, we DO have something in common after all!

Zombies!

(And, let’s be honest, would we really want to be friends with them if they didn’t have Zombies?)

~J

#6 ~ The Mayans, and 2012

Ahhh The Mayans, and their their fabled Mesoamerican long count calendar. This seems like a good place to tuck this media-sponge into the list (why are we all suckers for the stories of our own destruction?), as it is a rather large sub-category to the Ancient Alien theory we’d just spoke of above. Rounding up number six on our list is a topic that’s garnered great public and media interest over the last few years (as I’m sure you already know), *drum-roll please*: The Mayans, and, dun, dun, dun… 2012 (THE END IS NIGH… hold me).

The Mesoamerican long count calendar – or the Mayan countdown to the obliteration of earth; as it’s known in Conspiracy circles – is unlike our traditional Gregorian calendar, in that it has a marked beginning and end. The start is believed to translate (imprecisely from their base 20 number system, to our base 10), to August 11th, 3114 BCE (before christian/current era), when the universe was created, and it’s end (presumably when the universe will be destroyed), is rapidly approaching… December 12th, 2012.

The ancient Mayans were a prolific people, and Conspiracy theorists often point to the abundance of knowledge that they had accrued (their culture thrived nearly 1,500 years ago), as inscrutable evidence of alien intervention. They had one of the earliest and most well developed systems of writing for any culture of its time, they frequently traded and exchanged ideas and goods with other peoples (quite possibly Peru, and Machu Picchu, which was only 2,000 some-odd miles north), and they achieved great successes in the fields of horticulture, acoustics, modern sewage systems, and, most notably, astronomy.

Many structures on the site are situated in key locations for star gazing (buildings E1, E2, and E3, are aligned north-south, and collectively form an observatory), and seem to elude to the notion that these ancient peoples were avid sky watchers. To advocates of the 2012 conspiracy though, stargazing is merely parenthetical information surrounding the larger truth – that these buildings had been erected to watch Ancient aliens come in for a landing.

There are admittedly many variations on the story, but the prevailing lore states that – much like Peru, Egypt, Bolivia, and many other locations on earth with suggested evidence of contact with E.T. – the Mayans too had been frequently visited by space-men. Together with Alf, and using all his vast knowledge of the Cosmo’s, combined with her (see, i said her this time… not only his, get off my case would ya?), information about past, current, and future events to come, the combined cultures formulated a calendar that accurately pinpointed not only the proliferation of man, but also the upcoming date of some catastrophe that would lead to his demise.

How these beings from another world could foresee our demise, and what form it will take, is where the Conspiracy theory really get’s it’s wings. Multiple websites across the net have sprung up with their own fresh takes, and explanations on the matter (big surprise here).

My personal favorites are:

A) The Grey’s advanced technology has allowed them to peer into the fourth dimension, and with their greater perspective they can see some calamity on route for Earth. I enjoy conceptualizing about this one because to comprehend it’s implications, i first have to imagine how limited our “sight” here in the third dimension (where we live; for those of you who don’t know), actually is.

The only way I know how to do so is to consider how something locked in the second dimension (a being – let’s say a stick figure – locked to a peice of paper), might not see my coffee cup plummeting down infront of him until the cup makes contact with his midsection… being locked to the paper, and stuck in two dimensions, my poor stick-man lacks the ability to look “up” (much like we cannot look “up” into higher dimensions currently), and never even saw the glass coming. Even if he had, he couldn’t have done a darn thing about it, as he only exists in a plain that can be acted upon by me, not the other way around (at least he has dot’s in the first dimension to bully around).

B) Planet Nibiru… need I say more? Who hasn’t heard of this strange ominous planet lying in wait at the edge of our galaxy that’s just itching to destroy us? It’s either going to collide with us, rob us of our magnetic field, block our sun and freeze us, or slingshot us so near to the modest star that our planet will fry (now can we drink the Kool-aid?). Nibiru is a planet who’s existence is rumored to have been hinted at from still unaccountable wobbles in planets from our own solar system (get your sweaters, cause I’m about to get you geek chills), and used to be called Planet X.

In the early days of astronomy, we proved the existence of predicted (yet unobservable), planets not just by getting bigger telescopes, or advancing sciences, but by using the same old crappy ones and simply fine tuning our coordinates. How we knew precisely where to look came as a result of complicated calculations, that were the hard won result of years of tedious observation and record, that eventually led to the predictable, and mathematically chartable (<-yea i know it’s not a word, neither is squoze but i like that one too. I squoze a lime yesterday to make a vinaigrette :-P), orbit of what we could see. When the now known orbit of a body exhibited an unaccountable wobble – or a slight deviation from its course – a researcher could then infer that there was another gravitational body acting on the one that we could see.

One by one, from Mars all the way out to Pluto (R.I.P. Pluto: you’ll always be a planet in my eyes), we used this system of charting, wobble watching, and fine-tuning our findings to locate planet after planet in our galaxy’s “bubble” of the Milky Way galaxy, eventually forming the well known picture of it that we have today.

C) The next solar maxim – which should be here any day now… – will obliterate our magnetic shields, and fry us like eggs over-well (yep, when i talk about food you know it’s time for breakfast).

D) The black hole at the heart of our own milky way galaxy will grow mutinous, pick up in it’s speed of density gain and growth exponentially, and absorb us all into a timeless, endless – and unfathomably painful rift in the space-time continuum – where we will forever be on the brink of being dead and alive.  Ouch.

Conspiracy theorists like to say many things about the Mayans and 2012; some are true (like if Niabru has no water on it’s surface, that it would not reflect light, and be unobservable until it’s too late, thus explaining why we still can’t see it), some are untrue (like the amazingly still persistent rumor that the Mayans simply disappeared… they didn’t, they were absorbed into southern Mexico, and central American areas, and still have many people who carry around their culture and lineage within their genes to this day), but without a doubt, they are all fascinating beyond comprehension, and worthy of being here on this list of greatest conspiracy’s.

Don’t stop now, only five more to go!

Find out if your favorite made the list, click that little Right arrow beneath you!